Greetings everyone
My Name is Daniel Ladell Lynch, Sr.
I am a son, father, husband, brother, poet, author, a friend and I am saved by grace. I was born and raised in Waukegan, Illinois, the second of five children. My mother, a single parent, raised us. I currently live in my hometown with my own family. We have eleven children, our family is large in size because we have stepchildren, biological children, foster children and adopted children.
I love children and I find myself trying to give them the love of a father, something that every child should have. I want them to have what I did not have when I was growing up, a father's love. God has given me a fathering spirit to love children of all cultures. I now realize that God's plan for my life was to be a father to many children in my community through mentoring. I know I'm doing something that God wants all of us to do. God has blessed me to be a role model to so many children from single-family homes. I enjoy seeing the joy in the eyes of the children I mentor. I'm co-founder of a youth program called South Side Positive Youth. South Side Positive Youth is always doing something good in our neighborhood. What God has given me, I give back to children.
Waukegan man's book a primer for fathers to help kids
Published in the News Sun 06/05/03
Father's Day is just another warm day in June for millions of children in this country 27 percent or 20 million, of whom, according to the U.S. Census, live in single-parent households, most of them with their mothers and many having no regular contact with their dads. We've all seen the depressing statistics that hang like a noose over the heads of such children: 71 percent of all high school dropouts, 85 percent of all kids sent to juvenile halls or prisons, 90 percent of all homeless and runaways, come from fatherless homes.
Children without fathers are 20 times more likely to exhibit behavioral disorders, 10 times more likely to abuse drugs, 10 times more likely to commit rape. It was last Father's Day that Daniel Lynch Sr. of Waukegan began mulling writing his first book. When the pastor of Lynch's church, Christian Faith Fellowship in Zion, called all fathers and their offspring to the front of the church, Lynch was surrounded by his 11 children only four of whom are his biological children, the others being step, adopted and foster children.
"It's fine to be a stepfather," Lynch said. "But the hurting part is when the biological father does not want anything to do with his children. It hurts me and it hurts the children. He's the one who should be supporting them.
He's the one they should be looking up to." Lynch, co-founder of Southside Positive Youth and the subject of a News Sun Father's Day feature two years ago, has courageously taken on the burden and the blessings refused by seven other men. He has also mentored other men's children throughout his community. But even such a rare and wonderful gift cannot completely heal the pain of a child rejected by his or her natural father. And so Lynch, a school bus driver, who every day observes the lack of respect, structure and guidance among today's young, courageously set out to write a primer for fathers who want to do right by their children but either don't know how or fear the opportunity has passed them by. Daddy Why Have You Abandoned Us? The Tears of a Wounded Family reveals Lynch's own experience as a fatherless child he was raised by his mother along with four siblings and his determination to maintain a relationship with his four biological children, despite separation and divorce.
Lynch writes:
It wasn't until I reached adulthood that I realized that I was missing the essence of fatherhood. I was missing the foundation that was never laid by my dad. I was lacking something, but I could not figure out why I was failing in so many things. There were so many things I needed to do, but I just did not have the knowledge. Happily married for 12 years, Lynch applies biblical principles to marriage, family and fathering. "We are here to do the work of God," Lynch told me. "If we don't share knowledge of God, how are we going to do it?" In the most poignant part of the book, Lynch interviews kids hanging out on the street, asking about the difference their fathers presence or absence made in their lives. Here is what one 17-year-old boy, who didn't know his father, related:
it feels like something is missing but you don't know what it is until it's too late. I feel I don't try to be hard. I just don't know any other way to be. I don't have a daddy to teach me, and I'm not going to lie to you. It hurts like hell to know that my father abandoned me. Hell, if your father turned his back on you, whom do you trust? It's like the ultimate letdown. It's like being kicked in your back. The kick breaks your spinal cord and leaves you paralyzed for life.
The young man goes on to relate how he spent time in jail on weapons and drug charges and how he struggled to come to terms with his absentee father. Being in jail made me realize that I did not hate him. I wanted him here for me. I realized I was angry with him for not being there for me ... I think I speak for every boy whose father is not with them. Not having a father is like a death in the family.
This is how a 15-year-old girl described her life without a dad: I don't have any respect for men. I relate all men to my father. He's no good and neither are they. I've had sex already. I smoke weed and I drink. It's all good, but maybe if I had a father I would not be doing these things because my dad would keep me in line. I don't think you know how it feels not to feel loved. That's the way I feel not loved.
The girl goes on to describe her desperate situation: My father has never been a part of my life and my mother is out on that dope. That leaves me to do whatever I want to do and I know that's not good. But what am I to do? I feel that I'm following in my mother's footsteps. I feel like I have been cursed and nothing good will ever happen to me.
Lynch wants to see all men who are fathers take on the yoke of fatherhood, something he calls "sticking with your kids" whatever their family situation or custodial arrangement. He fought to stay connected to his own children despite a bad divorce. His three oldest sons, including two already grown and independent, have never been in trouble. "I know that I will be a good man when I grow up," writes 15-year-old Darvell Lynch in the book. "Because of the love my father gave me."
Lynch included an apology with his book, which is priced at $10 and is available through Wal-Mart and area bookstores. He's no wordsmith, he admits. He feared he lacked the education to write a book that, he said, was prodded out of him by his Lord. He is disappointed in the poor editing in the first printing of the 94-page volume. But he asks the reader to close a critical eye and focus on his simple but powerful message: Fathers I am pleading with you to take hold of your family; be the driving force in your family; be as strong as the mortar between the bricks that keeps your house standing. You can be the light that guides your family through the darkest tunnel and an armored truck that protects its precious cargo fathers, show a sense of destiny. Be the priest, the protector, provider and the peacemaker of your home.
Lynch's book is not a handy how-to guide to what is a lifetime task. It is an inspiration and a challenge and a spiritual starting point. It is a reminder that Father's Day begins at birth and finds fulfillment in each new generation of happy kids and devoted dads. Daddy Why Have You Abandoned Us is also available through www.fathersmakeadifference.com or by calling Lynch at (847) 662-0064.
06/05/03
